Quotes

1. “Why do guys do that? That’s so dumb. It’s not like women go up to each other and are like’ Hey I like that dress’ and just lift your skirt up!’

 –My mom when she saw a guy take a look under the hood of a car he was appreciating.

2. “You should probably punch hipsters anyway.”

-A friend when I told him I’d punch a hipster if an ironic sweater I wanted wasn’t in stock.

3. “Fuck your fun-shine, I want a knife!”

-Me when discussing Christmas stocking stuffers

4. “..and then I just spiraled into thought, confusion, hysteria…”

-My sister when asked how her test went.

5. “Hey I forgot to steal your literature.”

-My sister after she forgot a book of mine she had been wanting to borrow.

                                                                             ~*~

After the day’s earlier events, Shayna spent the past half hour searching Amazon, EBay, and a whole host of other online shopping sites for a suitable self-defense tool. You see, there had been a string of recent assaults at the apartment complex where she lived, and her mother was growing increasingly worried about her.

                Suddenly, her eyes fell upon the perfect solution to her problems, and she hurriedly called her mother.

“MOM!”, Shayna yelled into the phone when her mother finally answered.

“Jesus Christ Shayna, what is it?”, Shayna’s mother replied quickly, taken by surprise by the urgency and volume of her daughter’s voice.

“I sent you a link for a Christmas stocking stuffer for me.” Shayna stated flatly.

“What is it?” Her mother asked, thoroughly confused.

“It’s a false key keychain with a hidden compartment in it that has a knife inside!”

“Why would I put that in your stocking?!” Her mother replied, horrified.

“For self-defense and such…” Shayna trailed off, having not anticipated a follow-up question.

“..You’re getting a carebear.”

“…a grumpy care bear?” Shayna said after a moment’s silent  consideration.

“Funshine.”

“Fuck your funshine, I want a knife!” Shayna replied quickly in jest. Her outburst was accompanied by a giggle from both of the women.